In 2010, a crack commando pool team was sent to prison for a crime they didn’t commit (OK, maybe we did it ). They promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade (Great Yarmouth Open Prison) to the Milton Keynes underground (you tell me!?). Today, still wanted by the EPA, they survive as pool players of fortune. If you have a problem, if no-one else wants to play for you, and if you can find them, maybe you could hire the RAFA Stingers.
The Story So Far: Back in the year 2007, when Muffin the Mule was a fondly remember childrens programme rather than a vile reality TV show set in London Zoo, The RAFA Stingers were not ones for sitting in watching the box. They were caught up in a tangled web of illegal betting scams, kidnapping, dodgy Asian Mafioso dealings and the trafficking of ferocious animals. Quite deep shit for a mob that previously had only stolen the odd shopping trolley from ASDA. For the full baffling plot read the previous posts – they’re even numbered for you. How good is that!
3.01. After 3 opening wins, The Stingers had set a good pace at the top of the table and were in confident mood of landing the Bangkok Kokbangers bet and thus securing the safe return of Zared. A couple of weeks of Singles competition meant a break from the stresses of mafia gratification. Or it would have but for communication from North Thailand. Despite being held captive it appeared Zared had been allowed an enormous amount of freedom on the back of his Stingers title tip. To say his captors were impressed by his knowledge of the game would be an understatement. They issued him with a quartet of pool playing gang members and sent him out hustling. These gang members just so happened to be voluptuous Thai beauties which made for great hustling. And being all trained in martial arts there was little chance of getting done over – except if he tried to escape.
Just receiving this email was a boost to The Stingers. But how had he managed to get it sent? As the correspondence went on it became clear Zared wasn’t as free as it seemed. The girls kept tabs on his every move, with two always on night duty whilst he slept – accompanied by the other two of course. To obtain the freedom to watch some western TV, drink some beer or send an email home he had to earn the right. TV involving giving one of the girls a seeing to, beer meant 2 of them had to get it whilst an email was earned by doing the whole lot. There was a tear in the Stingers eye at the dedication of their man. Four shags to send them an email. What a servant. The email finished “It might be a while before I contact you again. I’m sure you understand guys. One last thing, I’ve advised one bet to my hosts for the singles. Make sure D. Morgan….”. And with that the text stopped. Had the dopey git pressed ‘send’ a bit early? Had the girls censored the remainder? What bet could he have recommended? And more to the point – which D Morgan???????
Dog, Chapdog and Minimcgoogle spent that evening puzzling the problem down ‘The Shack’. Surely Zared couldn’t have been advocating a bet on big Dave? And he was just as unlikely to be tipping young Dan from mid-table ex-rivals The Hustlers. Dan had about a million Mcgogles to see off in the tough part of the draw and Dave was a million to one. Of course he could have just recommended a first round match bet on either of them. The uncertainty of it all weighed heavily on the Stingers minds. So much so that their practice night was ruined by a rampant newcomer dishing their asses off. He was duly signed up.
The Mervinator – aka The Barman Formerly Known as Merv – had shown promise before. At the Prestatyn Welsh Festival of Billiards in 1957 to be precise. But 50 years later he reached his true peak. Having given up on his dream of making the Welsh pool team, he re-adjusted his aims to ‘beating the Tuesday team’. That fateful evening he reached his zenith. Dish after dish sending whippersnapper after whippersnapper back to his seat. Was this the moment that The Stingers had unearthed a hidden gem that was underneath their noses all the time? Or was it to be another ‘Darren Cobley’ moment – a signing on the back of a couple of good frames and some bluster? Could the Stingers be so cruel as to drag an old man in need of a triple hernia operation into the line of fire with the threat of multiple Asian gangs hanging over them? Tune in for the next episode when another new recruit joins and the complicated plots becomes a bit more muddied.
Thursday 22 March 2007
Wednesday 14 March 2007
3. Rudy The Red Nose Rottweiler (And Other Maulings)
In 2010, a crack commando pool team was sent to prison for a crime they didn’t commit (OK, maybe we did it ). They promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade (Great Yarmouth Open Prison) to the Milton Keynes underground (you tell me!?). Today, still wanted by the EPA, they survive as pool players of fortune. If you have a problem, if no-one else wants to play for you, and if you can find them, maybe you could hire the RAFA Stingers.
The Story So Far: Back in the year 2007, when marrying your pet Chihuahua was still illegal, The RAFA Stingers were not interested in inter-species affairs. Their main man, Zared, had been kidnapped by mobsters The Bangkok Kokbangers. In a series of events too complex to explain in this little red bit (you really should read all the posts you lazy git) The Stingers were caught in the middle of a massive wager between The Kokbangers and The Backalley Boys. Basically, if you’re still keeping track, a league title was required to land the Kokbangers gamble and free Zared, but some Backalley sabotage was expected and inevitable – especially as they had like a gazillion sleeper cells in Milton Keynes alone. Week 3 and so far, so good…
3. Next up in the quest to save Zared was a Stinger home tie against some randoms from Bradwell Village. All the lads were extra vigilant and casting an eye out for anything or anyone who looked ‘slightly gay’. Anyone with a Pink Punter membership card was to be avoided like an invite round to Jodys for Mushroom soup. The previous week’s correspondence from the mysterious Botty Liberation Front was enough to initiate preventative measures from The Stingers. Although they had not been in contact to ‘make an offer’, there was little doubt that any offer they had to make would go down as well as Dog turning up and saying “Lads, I’d like you to welcome our new signing – Dennis O’Sullivan”. So on that sweltering spring evening – Merv had the heating up full, probably cant afford to at home – Dog walks in and says “Lads, I’d like you welcome our new signing…
…Rudy the Rottweiler”. Now Rudy should need no introduction to blog-heads. A true living legend from the world of funny pool related websites. Born as Rudolpho Valerie Rottweiler to Russian parents, he spent his formative years being teased at Rotty school for his gay name. This turned him into a nasty homophobe, which was a shame really because he wasn’t getting any pussy either. Therefore his hit-list read something like this:-
1. Gays
2. Pussies
3. All canine life
4. All things living in general
2007 was actually a pretty good year for Rudy. His temper was relatively under control - only 2 ‘hits’ in the entire year and one of those survived albeit in a vegetative state. Of course 2008 was a bit of a downer for the ‘Rude’ one. The infamous ‘Maul in the Mall’ incident at The Centre:MK is one memory we’d rather not have of the big fella. I can still see the severed limbs to this day. Carnage in Waterstones. Getting Garfield and Graham Norton to do a joint book signing was a pretty rank idea anyway.
So with the re-signing of the formerly retired one bolstering the playing staff and also doubling as head of security, the Stingers welcomed a suspicious bunch to the Shack. They went by the name of The Village People and, well, there was something not quite right with them. The trouble was no-one could put their finger on it. Could they have Backalley Boys/Botty Liberation Front ties? Surely they’d give themselves away. First up Dog put the Stingers 1-0 up against some guy straight off a construction site. The old Dog-Jamie 1-2 didn’t quite materialise this week as the little fella lost to a police officer. Gee wasn’t ready to relinquish his 100% record as he saw off an Indian chief before Jody beat off a member of the military. Not for the first time in his life either. Allegedly. 3-1 Stingers. Andy and Mark took out some sailors, before Doggy got broke and dished on. 5-2 then and what better way to get to six than witness a Mark exhibition. Right? Wrong! The sheer scale of his capitulation to some geezer dressed as a cowboy – even though it was 10 years ago now – may never be captured perfectly in the written word. Top Oxford University literature bods have tried and failed to paint the story in print. There’s no chance an under educated gimp from Deanshanger could begin to do it justice. Lets just say Bollocks. 5-3.
So you’re struggling to kill a side off at 5-3, your 9th man (Jamie) has had a bit of bad running (snookering himself splitting a bad ball) and misjudged the first visit of two. You’re in trouble, you’re the onlooking capitano, what do you do? Well, Dog went for a slash and by the time he got back some silly in-off had handed Jamie a plop in. Lovely. 6-3 and Zared’s plight remained in Stinger hands. As the last two frames were played out and shared, Dog and the boys racked their brains as to the reason why the opposition looked suspicious. There must be a clue. If only the Stingers club-mates and cohorts the 'RAFA Rangers' were there. In 2007 they were at the peak of the age/wisdom graph (before the steady decline into senility and crapping their pants in public). Sadly, the Rangers were all seen earlier that night ‘In the Navy’ (Club). Bereft of ideas linking The Village People to any kind of gayness, The Stingers decided it was time to call it a day. And not before time, that bloody Rottweiler had been barking his head off since the start of the game. Must have seen a cat.
The Story So Far: Back in the year 2007, when marrying your pet Chihuahua was still illegal, The RAFA Stingers were not interested in inter-species affairs. Their main man, Zared, had been kidnapped by mobsters The Bangkok Kokbangers. In a series of events too complex to explain in this little red bit (you really should read all the posts you lazy git) The Stingers were caught in the middle of a massive wager between The Kokbangers and The Backalley Boys. Basically, if you’re still keeping track, a league title was required to land the Kokbangers gamble and free Zared, but some Backalley sabotage was expected and inevitable – especially as they had like a gazillion sleeper cells in Milton Keynes alone. Week 3 and so far, so good…
3. Next up in the quest to save Zared was a Stinger home tie against some randoms from Bradwell Village. All the lads were extra vigilant and casting an eye out for anything or anyone who looked ‘slightly gay’. Anyone with a Pink Punter membership card was to be avoided like an invite round to Jodys for Mushroom soup. The previous week’s correspondence from the mysterious Botty Liberation Front was enough to initiate preventative measures from The Stingers. Although they had not been in contact to ‘make an offer’, there was little doubt that any offer they had to make would go down as well as Dog turning up and saying “Lads, I’d like you to welcome our new signing – Dennis O’Sullivan”. So on that sweltering spring evening – Merv had the heating up full, probably cant afford to at home – Dog walks in and says “Lads, I’d like you welcome our new signing…
…Rudy the Rottweiler”. Now Rudy should need no introduction to blog-heads. A true living legend from the world of funny pool related websites. Born as Rudolpho Valerie Rottweiler to Russian parents, he spent his formative years being teased at Rotty school for his gay name. This turned him into a nasty homophobe, which was a shame really because he wasn’t getting any pussy either. Therefore his hit-list read something like this:-
1. Gays
2. Pussies
3. All canine life
4. All things living in general
2007 was actually a pretty good year for Rudy. His temper was relatively under control - only 2 ‘hits’ in the entire year and one of those survived albeit in a vegetative state. Of course 2008 was a bit of a downer for the ‘Rude’ one. The infamous ‘Maul in the Mall’ incident at The Centre:MK is one memory we’d rather not have of the big fella. I can still see the severed limbs to this day. Carnage in Waterstones. Getting Garfield and Graham Norton to do a joint book signing was a pretty rank idea anyway.
So with the re-signing of the formerly retired one bolstering the playing staff and also doubling as head of security, the Stingers welcomed a suspicious bunch to the Shack. They went by the name of The Village People and, well, there was something not quite right with them. The trouble was no-one could put their finger on it. Could they have Backalley Boys/Botty Liberation Front ties? Surely they’d give themselves away. First up Dog put the Stingers 1-0 up against some guy straight off a construction site. The old Dog-Jamie 1-2 didn’t quite materialise this week as the little fella lost to a police officer. Gee wasn’t ready to relinquish his 100% record as he saw off an Indian chief before Jody beat off a member of the military. Not for the first time in his life either. Allegedly. 3-1 Stingers. Andy and Mark took out some sailors, before Doggy got broke and dished on. 5-2 then and what better way to get to six than witness a Mark exhibition. Right? Wrong! The sheer scale of his capitulation to some geezer dressed as a cowboy – even though it was 10 years ago now – may never be captured perfectly in the written word. Top Oxford University literature bods have tried and failed to paint the story in print. There’s no chance an under educated gimp from Deanshanger could begin to do it justice. Lets just say Bollocks. 5-3.
So you’re struggling to kill a side off at 5-3, your 9th man (Jamie) has had a bit of bad running (snookering himself splitting a bad ball) and misjudged the first visit of two. You’re in trouble, you’re the onlooking capitano, what do you do? Well, Dog went for a slash and by the time he got back some silly in-off had handed Jamie a plop in. Lovely. 6-3 and Zared’s plight remained in Stinger hands. As the last two frames were played out and shared, Dog and the boys racked their brains as to the reason why the opposition looked suspicious. There must be a clue. If only the Stingers club-mates and cohorts the 'RAFA Rangers' were there. In 2007 they were at the peak of the age/wisdom graph (before the steady decline into senility and crapping their pants in public). Sadly, the Rangers were all seen earlier that night ‘In the Navy’ (Club). Bereft of ideas linking The Village People to any kind of gayness, The Stingers decided it was time to call it a day. And not before time, that bloody Rottweiler had been barking his head off since the start of the game. Must have seen a cat.
Wednesday 7 March 2007
2. Friends, Romans, Countrymen, Beware The Queers
In 2010, a crack commando pool team was sent to prison for a crime they didn’t commit (OK, maybe we did it ). They promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade (Great Yarmouth Open Prison) to the Milton Keynes underground (you tell me!?). Today, still wanted by the EPA, they survive as pool players of fortune. If you have a problem, if no-one else wants to play for you, and if you can find them, maybe you could hire the RAFA Stingers.
The Story So Far: Back in the year of our lord, 2007, them former playboy heroes turned underworld fugitives, The RAFA Stingers, were embarking on a quest to save an erstwhile colleague. Zared had been kidnapped by mobsters The Bangkok Kokbangers, who subsequently bet huge amounts on a Stingers league title. To avoid seeing the Stinger legend mutated into a ladyboy and put to work on the Bangkok streets, the Stingers had to seal a 4th consecutive title. One week in everything was going to plan…
Week 2. Dog made contact with his team in the days leading up to the second match of the season. He brought more news from the far east. The bookie who had taken the £1,000,000 bet on a Stinger league title had got twitchy in the wake of week 1’s easy win. He had laid off much of the liability to the Kokbangers underworld rivals – The Backalley Boys. Although not so powerful in Bangkok where the Kokbangers ruled supreme, the Backalley Boys had their figures in all sorts of pies in the UK. They pretty much controlled the Gay nightclub scene and with the English pool circuit at the time being gayer than a night out with Clary, Norton and Barrymore, it spelt one thing – trouble. Some of the team couldn’t grasp the importance of this development. Dog explained that every gay in the league would be out to sabotage the Stinger title quest. Anyone with a Pink Punter membership card would be on orders to play their best. By that premise, anyone playing their best MUST be a Pink Punter.
Conspiracy theories were put to one side for the visit to Roman Park Residents Club. But on arrival the paranoia came rushing back. The table was in a foyer. Not even in the bar. What was that about? Had the Backalley Boys ordered it to be moved knowing the Stingers couldn’t survive without alcohol close at hand? On top of that, the Stingers were seeing (or rather not seeing) red balls on a red cloth. Eh? With the Roman Park mob being a few years younger, was this a ploy to gain an advantage in the eyesight stakes? The final straw was that the place was ‘No Smoking’. Once the paramedics had calmed Jody’s epileptic fit and made sure no more convulsions were forthcoming, Chapdog pointed out that they only had a few yards to walk for a swift fag. Jody’s condition subsided to ‘distinctly edgy’.
On the table Doggy was up for saving his mate Zared’s dignity. 1-0. Lil’ Jamie, fresh from brand new supremes, struggled with the runt of a table but made it 2-0. Jody’s condition was adjudged to be ‘just enough nicotine to last 10 minutes’ so he fought out a 9 minute win. 3-0. Andy 4-0. Gee 5-0. Andy 6-0. Perhaps the Backalley Boys had yet to get instructions over to their sleeper cells? This was all a bit too easy. A spate of anti-McGoogling made it 6-2, before Stingertime resumed for the final three frames.
Them magnificent men returned to their flying machine to find two bits of paper under their windscreen wipers. One was a reminder of their task from the Kokbangers “Win league or lady lady ladyyyyyyyboy!”. The other was from an anonymous writer. He claimed to be from the Botty Liberation Front and said he’d be in contact to ‘make an offer’. The handwriting was familiar to Dog. Very familiar… (to be continued)
The Story So Far: Back in the year of our lord, 2007, them former playboy heroes turned underworld fugitives, The RAFA Stingers, were embarking on a quest to save an erstwhile colleague. Zared had been kidnapped by mobsters The Bangkok Kokbangers, who subsequently bet huge amounts on a Stingers league title. To avoid seeing the Stinger legend mutated into a ladyboy and put to work on the Bangkok streets, the Stingers had to seal a 4th consecutive title. One week in everything was going to plan…
Week 2. Dog made contact with his team in the days leading up to the second match of the season. He brought more news from the far east. The bookie who had taken the £1,000,000 bet on a Stinger league title had got twitchy in the wake of week 1’s easy win. He had laid off much of the liability to the Kokbangers underworld rivals – The Backalley Boys. Although not so powerful in Bangkok where the Kokbangers ruled supreme, the Backalley Boys had their figures in all sorts of pies in the UK. They pretty much controlled the Gay nightclub scene and with the English pool circuit at the time being gayer than a night out with Clary, Norton and Barrymore, it spelt one thing – trouble. Some of the team couldn’t grasp the importance of this development. Dog explained that every gay in the league would be out to sabotage the Stinger title quest. Anyone with a Pink Punter membership card would be on orders to play their best. By that premise, anyone playing their best MUST be a Pink Punter.
Conspiracy theories were put to one side for the visit to Roman Park Residents Club. But on arrival the paranoia came rushing back. The table was in a foyer. Not even in the bar. What was that about? Had the Backalley Boys ordered it to be moved knowing the Stingers couldn’t survive without alcohol close at hand? On top of that, the Stingers were seeing (or rather not seeing) red balls on a red cloth. Eh? With the Roman Park mob being a few years younger, was this a ploy to gain an advantage in the eyesight stakes? The final straw was that the place was ‘No Smoking’. Once the paramedics had calmed Jody’s epileptic fit and made sure no more convulsions were forthcoming, Chapdog pointed out that they only had a few yards to walk for a swift fag. Jody’s condition subsided to ‘distinctly edgy’.
On the table Doggy was up for saving his mate Zared’s dignity. 1-0. Lil’ Jamie, fresh from brand new supremes, struggled with the runt of a table but made it 2-0. Jody’s condition was adjudged to be ‘just enough nicotine to last 10 minutes’ so he fought out a 9 minute win. 3-0. Andy 4-0. Gee 5-0. Andy 6-0. Perhaps the Backalley Boys had yet to get instructions over to their sleeper cells? This was all a bit too easy. A spate of anti-McGoogling made it 6-2, before Stingertime resumed for the final three frames.
Them magnificent men returned to their flying machine to find two bits of paper under their windscreen wipers. One was a reminder of their task from the Kokbangers “Win league or lady lady ladyyyyyyyboy!”. The other was from an anonymous writer. He claimed to be from the Botty Liberation Front and said he’d be in contact to ‘make an offer’. The handwriting was familiar to Dog. Very familiar… (to be continued)
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