3. Rudy The Red Nose Rottweiler (And Other Maulings)

In 2010, a crack commando pool team was sent to prison for a crime they didn’t commit (OK, maybe we did it ). They promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade (Great Yarmouth Open Prison) to the Milton Keynes underground (you tell me!?). Today, still wanted by the EPA, they survive as pool players of fortune. If you have a problem, if no-one else wants to play for you, and if you can find them, maybe you could hire the RAFA Stingers.

The Story So Far: Back in the year 2007, when marrying your pet Chihuahua was still illegal, The RAFA Stingers were not interested in inter-species affairs. Their main man, Zared, had been kidnapped by mobsters The Bangkok Kokbangers. In a series of events too complex to explain in this little red bit (you really should read all the posts you lazy git) The Stingers were caught in the middle of a massive wager between The Kokbangers and The Backalley Boys. Basically, if you’re still keeping track, a league title was required to land the Kokbangers gamble and free Zared, but some Backalley sabotage was expected and inevitable – especially as they had like a gazillion sleeper cells in Milton Keynes alone. Week 3 and so far, so good…

3. Next up in the quest to save Zared was a Stinger home tie against some randoms from Bradwell Village. All the lads were extra vigilant and casting an eye out for anything or anyone who looked ‘slightly gay’. Anyone with a Pink Punter membership card was to be avoided like an invite round to Jodys for Mushroom soup. The previous week’s correspondence from the mysterious Botty Liberation Front was enough to initiate preventative measures from The Stingers. Although they had not been in contact to ‘make an offer’, there was little doubt that any offer they had to make would go down as well as Dog turning up and saying “Lads, I’d like you to welcome our new signing – Dennis O’Sullivan”. So on that sweltering spring evening – Merv had the heating up full, probably cant afford to at home – Dog walks in and says “Lads, I’d like you welcome our new signing…

…Rudy the Rottweiler”. Now Rudy should need no introduction to blog-heads. A true living legend from the world of funny pool related websites. Born as Rudolpho Valerie Rottweiler to Russian parents, he spent his formative years being teased at Rotty school for his gay name. This turned him into a nasty homophobe, which was a shame really because he wasn’t getting any pussy either. Therefore his hit-list read something like this:-
1. Gays
2. Pussies
3. All canine life
4. All things living in general

2007 was actually a pretty good year for Rudy. His temper was relatively under control - only 2 ‘hits’ in the entire year and one of those survived albeit in a vegetative state. Of course 2008 was a bit of a downer for the ‘Rude’ one. The infamous ‘Maul in the Mall’ incident at The Centre:MK is one memory we’d rather not have of the big fella. I can still see the severed limbs to this day. Carnage in Waterstones. Getting Garfield and Graham Norton to do a joint book signing was a pretty rank idea anyway.

So with the re-signing of the formerly retired one bolstering the playing staff and also doubling as head of security, the Stingers welcomed a suspicious bunch to the Shack. They went by the name of The Village People and, well, there was something not quite right with them. The trouble was no-one could put their finger on it. Could they have Backalley Boys/Botty Liberation Front ties? Surely they’d give themselves away. First up Dog put the Stingers 1-0 up against some guy straight off a construction site. The old Dog-Jamie 1-2 didn’t quite materialise this week as the little fella lost to a police officer. Gee wasn’t ready to relinquish his 100% record as he saw off an Indian chief before Jody beat off a member of the military. Not for the first time in his life either. Allegedly. 3-1 Stingers. Andy and Mark took out some sailors, before Doggy got broke and dished on. 5-2 then and what better way to get to six than witness a Mark exhibition. Right? Wrong! The sheer scale of his capitulation to some geezer dressed as a cowboy – even though it was 10 years ago now – may never be captured perfectly in the written word. Top Oxford University literature bods have tried and failed to paint the story in print. There’s no chance an under educated gimp from Deanshanger could begin to do it justice. Lets just say Bollocks. 5-3.

So you’re struggling to kill a side off at 5-3, your 9th man (Jamie) has had a bit of bad running (snookering himself splitting a bad ball) and misjudged the first visit of two. You’re in trouble, you’re the onlooking capitano, what do you do? Well, Dog went for a slash and by the time he got back some silly in-off had handed Jamie a plop in. Lovely. 6-3 and Zared’s plight remained in Stinger hands. As the last two frames were played out and shared, Dog and the boys racked their brains as to the reason why the opposition looked suspicious. There must be a clue. If only the Stingers club-mates and cohorts the 'RAFA Rangers' were there. In 2007 they were at the peak of the age/wisdom graph (before the steady decline into senility and crapping their pants in public). Sadly, the Rangers were all seen earlier that night ‘In the Navy’ (Club). Bereft of ideas linking The Village People to any kind of gayness, The Stingers decided it was time to call it a day. And not before time, that bloody Rottweiler had been barking his head off since the start of the game. Must have seen a cat.