4. Do You Have This In Large Print?

In 2010, a crack commando pool team was sent to prison for a crime they didn’t commit (OK, maybe we did it ). They promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade (Great Yarmouth Open Prison) to the Milton Keynes underground (you tell me!?). Today, still wanted by the EPA, they survive as pool players of fortune. If you have a problem, if no-one else wants to play for you, and if you can find them, maybe you could hire the RAFA Stingers.

The Story So Far: Back in the year 2007, when joy riding your frigate in Iranian waters was a bad idea, The RAFA Stingers were unconcerned with matters of naval kidnapping. Those magnificent men in their flying machines were desperately trying to win a 4th consecutive league title to secure the release of their kidnapped ‘Man in Havana’ (editors note: Man in Chiang Mai, get an atlas dude). Full plot, sub-plot, sub-sub-plot and, if such a word exists, sub-sub-sub-plot can be found in previous postings. Even if you read it you probably won’t have a clue what’s going on…

4. Sinister stuff. To give some background about how this blog came into being – in 2015 a risky mission in deepest darkest Bletchley led the Stingers back to their old haunt. Howling Mad Jody would not be calmed until he had broken into the derelict shack that was once the Royal Air Force Association Club. He was adamant (as in ‘convinced’ rather than the painted 80’s singer ‘Adam Ant’) that he had lost a tip there in 2009. Surprisingly the company that used to produce 3mm Buffalo Pig Alligator Donkey Skin tips (AKA 4 Skin tips) had gone bust, so it was deemed a worthwhile use of an afternoon. Whilst Jody carried out a finger tip search of the dusty ruin, the rest of the Stingers mulled around admiring the rusting trophies that invariably belonged to them. An impromptu game of pool seemed a good idea, except for the fact that the table had to be rebuilt first. Just as the lads were about to place the warped slate onto the rickety body, Dog stopped proceedings. There in the innards of the table was something he’d thought he’d never see again – The Stinger Results Tome. This manky old yellow paged book provided every result from, errr, the beginning until 2010. Complete with notes of a miscellaneous nature – Marks out of 10 for the team groupies, Record times for the 8 Spirit Challenge etc – this compendium provides the back-bone for this blog.

So where did 3.02 go? This is the sinister part. Leafing back to the well thumbed 2007 season chapter, there’s half a page missing. At the top is written “3.02 – Singles week 2” and underneath is written the word “FRANK” in huge letters. With notes on subsequent pages revealing Dog was steaming drunk for the duration of March 2007, it could have meant anything. You’ll just have to read on to find out whether it’s a relevant sub-sub-sub-sub plot or a herring of a reddish hue.

Anyway, where is the story at the moment? Ah yes, season 2007 week 4 and the Stingers descended on The Cricketers for perhaps their toughest test yet. A few weeks earlier the lads had received a mysterious hand-written message from a mob called ‘The Botty Liberation Front’. An eerie silence had followed it. There had been no ‘offer’. No communication, nothing. Could these gimps have been scared off by the addition of a Rottweiler to the Stinger’s security? Could they be biding their time waiting for the right moment to make a move? Could the Kokbangers have already snuffed out this particular threat to ensure a free run at the title for the Stingers? One things for sure – lose this game and both the bet and Zared’s dangly bits were in danger.

Dog somehow gets a second chance after rattling a simple one. 1-0. Jamie also goes in for a bit of ‘easy ball rattling’ but similarly gets away with it. 2-0. Hell, even Mark decides he’ll throw in the odd miss and, yep you’ve guessed it, he got away with it. 3-0. Andy’s opponent doesn’t subscribe to ‘Three Chance Tuesday’ magazine. It’s thought his chosen reading was ‘Dish Up Daily’. 3-1. Gee’s favoured literature (‘How To Cling On Bravely to Your 100% Record and Other Short Stories’) was found to have been due back at the library last week. 3-2 and a nominal fine. Jody, fresh from reading and forgetting the content of ‘Plain Ball Monthly’, takes out a finish when it’s presented and its 4-2. Jamie went to school in Bletchley so cannot read. So his choice of book was the ‘Position By Numbers Colouring Book’. 5-2. Mark didn’t get a chance to thumb through his literary choice – ‘Two Shots On Your Last Ball Means You Should Win Numpty’ – as it was inserted somewhere he couldn’t see. Sideways. 5-3. Dog puts the books back on the shelf and falls over the line. 6-3. Gee offers them all outside – they decline – so he wins instead. 7-3. Jody just showboats. Plain Ball Monthly my arse. 8-3.

And so the title tilt continued apace. The Cricketers declared they would have won if they had their full squad. Unfortunately, Dean the Hairdresser had fled the country a few weeks previous. He departed very quickly for Australia one morning leaving only an IOU for, well, everything he owed really. He’d also kindly left a “Beat them bloody Stingers” message for his team which now sat forlornly on the notice board being mocked by random Stingers. Apart from one eagle eyed RAFA-ite who noticed the handwriting was familiar… Bolton was the Botty Liberation Boy. Chapdog’s contacts at Heathrow confirmed a fella with his trousers halfway down his arse had boarded a flight to Oz two weeks earlier. The same passenger however had not reached the destination and was thought to have failed to re-board after the Bangkok stop over! The plot thickens…