In 2010, a crack commando pool team was sent to prison for a crime they didn’t commit (OK, maybe we did it ). They promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade (Great Yarmouth Open Prison) to the Milton Keynes underground (you tell me!?). Today, still wanted by the EPA, they survive as pool players of fortune. If you have a problem, if no-one else wants to play for you, and if you can find them, maybe you could hire the RAFA Stingers.
The Story So Far: Back in the year 2007, when if your name was Brian you strangely received top marks for not trying, The RAFA Stingers were trying too hard. They were trying to save kidnapped globetrotting Stinger Zared. To achieve this the author of this blog has strangely intertwined saving Zared with winning the Milton Keynes pool league. Despite this being a feat they had achieved a million times previous to 2007 somehow Thai gangsters The Bangkok Kokbangers had got a good price for their £1m wager on such an eventuality. The beauty of fiction eh! Last week the doody had really hit the fan when Leighton Buzzard tribute band KajaMcGoogle had kidnapped the Limahl look-a-like Mark thus causing a shock loss to a bunch considered too ugly to get a part in The Dingle Family. It was quite a good piece of writing actually, you should go back and read it.
6. With Mark in the clutches of some bad people from Bedfordshire, The Stingers spent the week trying to secure his release. The most comforting thing during his days of absence was the assumption that KajaMcGoogle weren’t some rogue UK sleeper cell affiliated to Thai naughty lads The Backalley Boys. The reason for this thinking? Well, if you really wanted to sabotage The Stingers season you’d kidnap one of the good players wouldn’t you? The Stinger think-tank got together and pondered how to get hold of this KajaMawotsit lot. Marks phone was the only known communication channel and it was dead. Several hours of bizarre suggestions from the troops (such as Howling Mad Jody’s pearler “Lets just bomb Leighton Buzzard”) led to nothing. Not even Andy’s secret service connections could help. Dog was on the brink of giving up and had already picked up the yellow pages to seek a replacement player. As he scanned down the ‘Crap Pool Players Who Don’t Have A Team’ listings his attention turned to the opposite page. Jumping off the page under the heading of ‘Crap Pop Tribute Acts’ was an advert for…. KajaMcGoogle.
Tuesday afternoon and The Stingers were leaving it a tad late. The plan was formulated and everyone knew their role. The first fundamental part worked – the KajaMcGoogle tour bus actually turned up. This was a massive relief as the phoney booking for an afternoon gig at The Bletchley Rottweiler Owners Club was at number 1 in the list of ‘things that could go wrong with springing Mark’. At number 2 was ‘Rudy might not be hungry’. Yep, the whole plan revolved around unleashing the power of Rudy The Rottweiler on the unsuspecting fake stars. As the gig kicked into action, The Stingers were surprised to see an unusually large turnout. No advertising had been done for the event, the lads had just hijacked the Over 80’s Tea Dance Club to boost numbers and make it look like a real booking. However, word must have got out about the gig as at least 4 new romantic throwbacks were milling around at the back. Great, KajaMcGoogle had a fan base. The strains of ‘Too Shy’ wafted through the hall to the puzzlement of the octogenarians. Mark’s performance looked forced – as one would expect of an unwilling captive. Just as his strained vocals hit the chorus, Jody shouted the trigger word… GAYS. In a whirl of bloodied limbs, screaming OAPS and missed bassnotes, Mark had been spirited away to the getaway vehicle. As Dog sped off, he caught sight of Rudy and the rest of the team jumping in the 2nd car. But where was Andy?
At the Shack and comparing what they saw, the truth dawned on the Stingers. Gee had seen Andy talking to the New Romantic Throwbacks just prior to the carnage. Jamie had seen two of them grab his arms during the getaway. Jody had also caught a glance of a struggle but unable to help due to being chased by an irate drummer, he only had time to muzzle RTR and jump in getaway car 2. “So then you eejits, we rescue one player and get our Vice Skip kidnapped by another” ranted Dog. “You couldn’t make it up!”.
Weeks 6 match saw some camp lads from Newport Pagnell come to town. The Hustlers had slipped off the ‘winning trophies’ radar by virtue of them never winning. This is one mob that the boys reckoned could have some connection with the Backalley Boys. A second major blow hit the heroes of the piece. No Mervinator. Couple that with no Andy and it meant Dog had to call up a mysterious reserve. The timing of the game was such that everyone present had the pleasure of missing Englands elimination from the 2007 Cricket World Cup. Having invented the game of cricket in 1257, the Stingers were none too pleased, but kept the spirit alive. Dog was bamboozled by an inswinger. 0-1. Jamie saw off a leg break. 1-1. Jody enjoyed a couple of doosra’s, but failed to pass them on for us all to take a puff. 1-2. Mysterious helped The Stingers resemble the England middle order as it went 1-3. A shaken, but not stirred Mark hit through the line for 2-3, whilst Gee lofted one over mid-off (or perhaps over TOBWTMS). 3-3. Jamie hit a boundary (4-3) but Mark was caught playing at a wide one. 4-4. Jody was initially confused by the presence of two Rudy look-alikes, but scampered through for a single. 5-4. Gee was amused by the appearance of Bryan but less pleased at a dodgy lbw decision. 5-5. With the track cutting up, Mark was caught out by a gay daisy cutter which nipped back. 5-6.
Luckily the Stingers were not due back in action for two weeks and hastily began the search for Andy. “Arggggh” screamed Dog. “There’s no category in the Yellow Pages for ‘New Romantic Throwbacks’”.
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