7. Baht's Entertainment

In 2010, a crack commando pool team was sent to prison for a crime they didn’t commit (OK, maybe we did it ). They promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade (Great Yarmouth Open Prison) to the Milton Keynes underground (you tell me!?). Today, still wanted by the EPA, they survive as pool players of fortune. If you have a problem, if no-one else wants to play for you, and if you can find them, maybe you could hire the RAFA Stingers.

The Story So Far: Back in the year 2007, when kidnapping rent boys was the in-thing with fallen 80’s pop stars, The RAFA Stingers had finally had enough of the kidnapping phenomenon (and just about enough of fallen 80's pop stars too). International Stinger Zared had been kidnapped by Thai hardnuts The Bangkok Kokbangers, Limahl-a-like Mark had recently been rescued from clutches of tribute band KajaMcGoogle and to top it all off Andy was now being held captive by some New Romantic Throwbacks. Karma Chamelon indeed.

7. Two weeks since his disappearance and there was no sign of Andy and no contact from his kidnappers. The Stingers hadn’t just been sitting around toking on a joint all that time, no sir’ee, they were up and about looking for him. Mark was ordered to attend Pink Punters and put his feelers out. Obviously it was too dangerous to let him out in normal attire – didn’t want the boy wonder getting snatched again did we – so he bravely donned a dress, shaved his legs and ventured out as ‘Mary’. Unfortunately the only information gleaned from the exercise was that Mark/Mary had ‘a nice butt’ – courtesy of a bloke called Linda. Jody was also on the case. He was delegated the task of surfing the internets less savoury sites in the hope of finding some link between this New Romantic mob and gay culture. But that all ended in tears when Rudy ate his PC. Dog and Gee just sat around talking at cross purposes about back ache. Gee gave highly specific medical advice coupled with suggested exercise routines to strengthen various muscles. Dog was just wangling for a good old massage. In between the body talk they did agree that they needed a cunning contingency plan for being Andyless come the next match night.

And so match night came. The only piece of communication received in the days leading up to the seventh league game of the season was an email from one of the Bangkok Kokbangers henchmen Atto Khoppanobba. Dog relayed the gist of it to the troops: “They’re concerned about our recent unlucky losses and remind us that big money is a stake. They have given us the best chance possible by eliminating the threat of the Botty Liberation Front and demand a return on their investment”. “Phew, that’s heavy Dog” said Gee, “Any good news?”. “Funny you should mention that Gee, there is a PS at the bottom which indicates Dean The Hairdresser has had a ladyboy operation and is currently prostituting his body for a couple of Baht”.

With that piece of imagery firmly in the Stingers head, the match commenced with two defeats. The cautious start might have also been down to the stroke about to be pulled. A few days earlier Gee had encountered a sorry sight whilst on business in Sheffield. A disconsolate figure was sat on a park bench swigging Special Brew. Gee’s mind went back to just a few months earlier when he was homeless himself and sleeping underneath the table at the RAFA. Approaching the man to give him a fiver he became aware that it wasn’t some smelly tramp but Graeme Dott, the former world snooker champ. Gee did what any caring cue-sports fan would do – he bundled him in the boot of his motor and told him he was playing pool on Tuesday night in the Milton Keynes league. And so frame 3 got underway Graeme Dott v That bloke from the muppetts, darn, what’s his name? Anyways, The Stingers weren’t so silly to tip off the opposition that they had a top notch new signing. No they were much cleverer than that and simply dressed the Dottmeister up in Andys clothes, stuck an Andy mask on him and wrote down Andy on the card. Oh and told him not to speak in that stupid squeaky voice of his. Job done. Except he barely got a shot and was soon back in his chair – all a bit too much like the 2007 worlds for his liking. 0-3 and as bad starts go, this was as bad as it could be. But a swift reminder of the real threat posed by the Kokbangers soon inspired the lads and Jamie, Gee and Mark levelled it. Jamie fell just short of putting the Stingers in the lead but Jody soon had it back to level pegging. Gee and Mark repeated their earlier heroics and that would be that. Except for a Dott 1 visit cameo in the last. Which he lost. Oh well, at least he wasn’t rumbled. See kids, it doesn’t pay to bring in big name players ;)

So two points in the bag, one missing vice skip and the dilemma of what to do with a certain Scottish cueman. If only there was a way of killing two birds with one stone. If only…

Tune in next week when we introduce another puzzling sub-plot into the storyline for no other reason than to make you forget all the other sub-plots that we haven’t put to bed yet.